I've decided that in addition to my personal journal, it's time I regularly update this thing! I'm out here in California and God is SO on the move! Things that God has been telling me for the last year are now actually beginning to come to pass. The most exciting thing about all of this is that everytime I pray, I get the feeling that God wants to excite me. Surprise me. Take me on an incredible, thrilling journey that I'll never forget. He's answering all of my deepest longings (in His perfect timing) and I'm seeing the intricate web that He's weaving throughout my life.
Everything that I said I never would do, God is not only calling me and equipping me to do them but also giving me such an amazing amount of grace to obey His directions.
Speaking of direction...this is so important! I read on my dear mentor and previous youth pastor's facebook status recently this quote: "Sometimes, we are supposed to be waiting on God. Other time's, God is waiting for us. Pray for discernment to know when to wait and when to act." This quote struck me so deep to my core that it sprung forth a new string of thoughts. One of them being a specific Word from the Lord when I was in Israel that said, "If you're willing, I'll use you. If you're ready, I'll call you. If not, I'll wait for you." The fact that I had/have in my grasp the choice to make the Creator of all things WAIT for ME- is an awesome thought. Awesome but also fearful. As in, oh my gosh! The fear of God is definitely consuming me right now! Currently, this Word can be applied to everything going on with me; even though the initial word was regarding my move to California.
My life is very much a "one step at a time" regime. This is new to me and is stretching me beyond what I ever thought possible. Funny thing is that I know it's only the beginning of the beginning. God is so cool like that! He takes what I said "never!" and turns around to "sounds good Lord!". yep. He gets His way in the end. I've fought with God for many things, many different times, always losing. But like the story of Jacob wrestling with God, our fights change the way we walk. You can't fight or wrestle with God and expect to come away the same. Your walk will always change. You will always learn something new and a new dimension of application along with God's character. Which oddly enough, we will never fully know, on earth.
All that being said, what has been going on?! Well, the past few paragraphs were a prelude to my life as we know it. I never see the excitement and intricacies as I'm living them out. Until I talk to my mom, grandma, or brother(s) about them and then the awesomeness of God and the connection of the situation blow my mind! This is why I write everything down. I will forget. And most of the time, in addition to not remembering, I will take it all for granted and miss the story completely.
I was so utterly excited this morning that I woke up at 5:30am, laying in bed, laughing to myself at God's amazing ways and how they're all working. I'm seeing how God caused all things- good and bad- to work together for my good because I'm called and loved by God. And as I pray, I hear God telling me that He wants to surprise me, that what He's planning is going to be a total shock to me and all of His work is going to blow me away. He said that He's so excited to show me what He's doing because He loves me. That, in and of itself, amazes me! God is excited about the work He has for me and the plans He has for me?! WOW!
God has told me some pretty crazy things over the past 2 years, some of which includes my purpose for being in California, who I'm going to marry, songs that I'm going to write and what they'll be used for, specific plans/visions for my ministry through worship, and others. Most of the time, I sit and stare at the words penned in my journal and think, "how in the world is that going to work?!" Is it possible to know who you're going to marry when you've only known them a month? Is it possible to be the conduit that God uses to bring heaven and earth together in one place? Is it possible to be so young and inexperienced and thrown into the position of Creative Arts Pastor?
Absolutely. Yes. Amen.
Why? Because Jesus has clearly said, that with Him all things are possible.
He has clearly said, if I delight in Him that He will give me the desires of my heart.
He has clearly said, ask anything in My Name and it will be given to you.
He has clearly said, I have good plans for you that will give you a hope and future
Basically, God Himself, through His written Word, has said- It's possible.
Keeping focused and heeding to the Word of the Lord, keeping in tune with the Spirit and obeying His promptings. Believing His Word and acting on it in faith....despite circumstances.
God has ordained and spoken and predestined some crazy things! Much of which we read throughout the Old and New Testament, so why then, do we think- do I think- that something as simple as a ministerial position, a move, or a spouse; is beyond God's capability?
The most incredible part about all of this, is that it's okay and encouraged to be totally transparent and specific with God. So I took this word and ran with it...to the cross.
On Valentine's Day, I began praying for my future husband; being VERY specific on all accounts and I truly felt/heard God saying, "this is the one I have for you." Regarding someone I already know and care for. Though not completely knowing eachother, and God is starting to speak things and work things and it's difficult for me to just let it be. I find that I'm so guarded at times, paralyzed with the fear of "missing God"; that I push away and/or deny what He is blatantly orchestrating. There's always the "but what if..." However, there should never be a "what if " with God. It's His way when it's His word. And He never lies or goes back on His word. Our response to the Word is what will delay or reject His Word coming to fruition. That's where, I believe, we find the co-existence of God's sovereignty and man's free will. He never changes, our response does. Funny thing is that when a heart is surrendered and seeking the perfect will of GOD, there's absolutely no chance of that person "missing" God. Recently, this man sent me a little numerical text that I decoded to be exactly what I had thought I knew about us for a year. And I don't know what to do with it. I took it to Jesus and said, here we go Lord, you're faithful, You know all things, and I want Your will to be done.
So I pray for wisdom.
...and discernment.
.....and patience.
......and I admit it, a whole slew of millions of other things.
The position that I'm going to walking into at Sound Chapel is: Creative Arts Pastor. That's right, I'm going to be receiving my Foursquare Credentials. the ones I said, I would never get and God said, yes you are. To work in a church that I said, I'm never going to and God said, yes you will. I'm going to be overseeing and envisioning things that are outside of my realm of knowledge and I sit here reading my job description and ask God, "how in the heck is this going to work?! I'm not doing this! I can't do this!" and God says, "It will work because it's my plan for you, you are going to do this and you can do it because it's going to be my perfect strength working in you. I'm going to excite you! I'm going to show you what I'm capable of and what you're capable of through Me. You will not be able to doubt."
The circumstance rarely lines up with what God has said. In the beginning, at least. But faith is believing and acting. It's "the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen."
And so now I'm at yet another crossroad, I either say "Yes and amen" to the promises of God and wait on His perfect timing for their fruition; or say "Okay, whatever" and choose to reject the promises of God as my own wishful thinking or my weakness being my disqualifier.
God keeps bringing this notion to my mind, "Do not call damned what I have called blessed." Ironically, it goes along with a scriptural word that our church has been hearing from Acts, " do not call unclean what i have called clean."
And on that note, I think i'm going to go to bed. There's alot more to be said but for now, that will give you all a deeper insight into my heart and mind! I'm SO absolutely ecstatic about the work of God and as it develops, I'll write and reveal more. God has been very specific with me about things lately but this is not the forum nor the moment to reveal them.
Until next time, Ciao!
