Thoughts as of today...because if I don't write them down, they'll stay in my head, and if they stay in my head; I'll get distracted. I don't need a distraction. I have a heart for the lost. A deep passionate desire - a longing, really - to see people come to know God. Not know about Him. Not know His character. Know Him. Deeply. Intimately. Relationally. Lovingly. Know Him. I believe this to be the greatest privilage that we as Christ followers have! We have the wonderful, gracious invitation to come into God's presence and talk with Him, get to know Him, tell Him what we like and hate and what confuses us and what bothers us...it's a marvelous invitation. I want people to receive that very invitation.
I have a heart for evangelism. I believe wholly that the Great Commission of Matthew 28:19-20 that Jesus gave us, isn't just an option but a command. And this command isn't to go and make converts, but to go and make disciples. It breaks my heart that there are so many "christians" but they are only experiencing the beginning of the beginning. They don't know that imitating Christ is to keep Him alive on this earth. They don't know that we can talk to Him and He talks back. They don't know that reading your Bible and praying and going to church isn't to fulfill a religious obligation but it's like going on a date with God Himself. I want them to know that. There are so many religions in the world! The one I don't understand isn't really a religion so much as a faith; this is athiesm. The Bible states in proverbs that "the fool says in his heart, there is no god". It's an absolutely proposterous idea to not believe in God. Nothing else offers the answers to all of life's questions like His Holy scriptures do, and nothing else makes sense. Since I was little, I always thought that of all the religions and cults, athiests would be the "easiest to convert"; because all i had to do was show them that there is a God. I have recently found out that this is not the case. Perhaps for an atheist who is doubting the idea that god does not exist, but not for one who is deceived and convinced to the point of not even wanting to find out for sure. My five month relationship with an atheist has only proven my theory wrong. It was a tough and bitter struggle that only resulted in his irritation and my tears. Many times I cried out to God to just open his eyes to His truth; but it was to no avail. Well, actually, no immediate avail. I don't like waiting. I don't like knowing that someone doesn't just believe already, and I don't like that God seems to take His sweet time in pursuing someone and then doesn't override their freewill to make them see...and I really don't like the thought that some people will just never see. I refuse to let this man: Ryan Laneville, to slip through the cracks. I will pray and intercede and fast for this one, because he deserves answers, he needs a real, substantial foundation; and that is only found in God. This is what I have endured for the last 5 months. This year, 2010, we broke up and if it is God's will that we become friends in a later time, then so be it.
I really tire of surrender and screw up and surrender. I hate that cycle. There's more to living and there's more to a life of freedom in Christ that this clutter just shouldn't happen. I could break down into tears even now just thinking about it. About how stupid we humans...we God's people, God's children..really are. I read the account of the Israelites and their repeated cycle of "worship God-worship idols-worship God-worship idols" and wonder how they could take something such as being God's chosen people, so lightly. After all He has done for them and all the miracles and provisions and grace He has extended to them. Then God stopped me mid thought and said, "This is how it still is. This is what you do. This is what my church does. But I still love them." I don't understand that! We really do take this whole thing for granted. Goodness! We even have the audacity to think "hmm, maybe this isn't really true anyway..." Oh! Our feeble, human minds. God blows away the laws of gravity, physics, and life in general and we STILL doubt. Oh God, how can you stand this?! How can you put up with us?! This is where being in awe of God, really comes into play. I have no patience. That is a major flaw and downfall in my character. Here is God, abounding in love and mercy and patience. My God is a patient God! He loves me so much, all of us, and is willing to put up with our mishaps and doubts and questions if it only draws us into Him. And here's the sinker, even when we turn and walk away...He still loves us and waits. I can't even imagine that. What an awesome God. And those are not just words either, that is truth. There are no other words that compare to that...awesome. Hm, what does this word even mean? I think that a problem with people and especially christians with our religious jargon; we use words that we rarely comprehend the meaning of. Oh Lord, give us understanding!
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