Let it go and live it out

So...I've been thinking lately, I really need to get back into some of my old habits. Reading more. Writing more. Studying the Bible more. Allowing the music to play a little longer. Send cards in the mail to friends. And overall, just be intentional about my life and where it's going.

Because, you see, my life isn't anything like what I thought it would be. 
      That's. Not. A. Bad. Thing.
            At least....
                           Not anymore.

In the last five years, I've learned more about God, myself, and my friends than I ever have before. I've loved, I've lost, I've sunk so low that I literally prayed for God to take me, I made quick decisions to uproot (again), and went through a horrible breakup that took me a year to get over. I've struggled in my faith, questioned God, hated God, nearly walked away from God, walked away from the church, joined a House of Prayer, left a House of Prayer, made friends, lost friends, had 3 jobs, tried internet dating, failed at internet dating, and cried. a lot.
                                                     HOWEVER
     My experiences aren't what define me, but they've shaped who I've become.

I can honestly say, I have NO regrets. Why would I!?
Sure, I could have done things differently...
    I could have let the guy go when he first wanted out...
         I could have worked harder to make it in California...
              I could have saved money as a high schooler and done...anything
                   I could have...

But I didn't. I made mistakes. I got hurt. I dug myself into a financial black hole. I moved back home.

I'm still single. But I'm so happy. Sure, sometimes that bothers me but I've decided not to let it.

I've decided to let it go. Let all. of. it. go. and just....live!

A few months ago, my oldest, closest friend and I talked about dating.
    My thoughts got away from me and I thought...maybe this is it.
Last week he changed his mind. And I said goodbye to a near decade of friendship.

And even in that, I don't have regrets.

I'm 26 and right now my mom -who is also my realtor- is submitting an offer for a house.
   That I'm buying. For myself.

First, I never thought that I would be in any position to have new car, let alone apply for a mortgage!

So, I'm going to write again. Because I enjoy it. And because I know that there have to be so many others like me who perhaps are giving up. Or about to.

I can tell you about hard work, patience, perseverence, wallowing in self pity, getting depressed, letting your emotions dictate your actions, etc.
  
   But you've heard all that before.
       Just as I did.

 You have to LIVE and EXPERIENCE for yourself, your own freedom.

You have to look up and see where you fell, dust off your hands, smooth the wrinkles and say,              
                   "Well, that was unexpected. Nothing left to do but move on."

     You have to get so tired of the rut that you do whatever it takes to start walking again.
 
          You have to discover that thing that will push you over the edge.

                             ......    And it will happen. ......

Not to sound narcissistic, but you have to do what makes you happy, what works for you.

There is no societal mold that everyone fits in. It's a lie.

We all grow up. We all have shit. We all want more.

 Sorry, but the grass isn't always greener. So stop comparing.

One thing that started changing it all for me, was being thankful.

I know that it sounds lame and christian-y; but there's a beautiful pearl of wisdom. Being thankful causes you to look for blessings in places you wouldn't think. It causes you to see your possessions as treasures. It causes you to deepen friendships. Rediscover passions...
                    And baby, your confidence S O A  R S!

Anyway, I really needed to get that off my chest.

In a sense, this guy awakened a new thing in me. 
  Because for the first time ever, I didn't have a hard time letting him go. I didn't chase him...
                                                               .....And I really was O K A Y.

So, like I said, this is me. This is my story. This is my blog. This is my life.

I can only hope it touches you. blesses you. inspires you. somehow.

Also, you'll get to adventure with me as I fiigure out my new single, homeowner, diy, quarter of a century self.

Next up....telling you all my thoughts on God, the church, and where we got it wrong. We'll figure out how to make it right.
   So stay tuned!